River + Fir

History lessons

I’ve been drinking a little bit. Truth not excuse.

Feeling a bit sorry for myself. Maybe not for myself, maybe for who I once was, for who the old me that I can’t quite seem to shake.

Feeling a bit sad.

Feeling a bit disconnected – like there’s a huge gap between what I want and where I’m at.

I have a history of not living in the present – and for some reason I’m feeling suspended between the past and the future – like four years down the road future.

This does not equal the present.

Not even close.

Tonight, I’m going to drink some more. Truth not excuse.

I’m going to cut myself a bit of slack.

I painted my toenails – thankfully before I drank more. That was a good present moment decision – truth.

I’m going to go walk the dogs in a huge rain storm – thankfully they cancelled the high wind watch.

Present. Not history. Not future stories. Just now.

Tomorrow, although I fear I will be hungover, I’ll buck up and carry on. Sometimes a little pity party is in order. Just don’t forget to forget it and move on.

This entry was published on November 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm. It’s filed under Ramblings and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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